I know in her mind she would have given me many names like slut, love peddler, fornicator and murderer I guess. She’s free to judge me, she can call be anything but I’m very sure she’s not better than me.
The kind Nurse advice me to be very careful next time.
She told me guys are not really worth all this pains they put us through, she said they are like birds and they can fly away anytime.
She also said if my boyfriend insist on not using protection then I should zip up. She gave me all the advice she would give her own younger sister, she even gave me her number to call if anything comes up although she prayed there won’t be complications. I thanked her whole heartedly.
I was made to relax for some time before leaving. I was giving antibiotics and some analgesics. I joined Tunde at the reception and we left the hospital.
We got back to my boyfriend’s place, he prepared food and hot beverage, I couldn’t eat but I took the hot beverage. My cousin called and I told her I was back from the hospital. She wanted to come over but I told her it’s not necessary that I’ll be fine.
An hour later, the show began. I started bleeding. The bleeding was so much that I used 2 packs of sanitary pad in less than two hours. We were both scared to death.
I remembered the kind nurse gave me her phone number. I called her and she told me it’s normal for now, she told me the kind of pad to use not the regular ones and she also told to get some drugs. I called the names out while Tunde jotted it down. She told me to keep her posted.
Tunde rush down to a nearby stores and bought lots of sanitary pads and the drugs.
I couldn’t eat and I’m getting weak, He forced me to take the energy drinks he bought for me. I took it and vomitted on the floor.
I saw all the stressed Tunde went through and I had no choice than to pity him. He washed all my soiled clothes, stained bed spreads, he washed the toilets and made sure the room was cleaned.
“Well done” I said to him when he was through with the washing”
“Thank you. And I’m sorry for putting you through all this” he said with all sincerity.
I was indoor for a whole week bleeding the first three days was terrible, I thought would not make it.
The good thing is that our faculty had a one week exhibition and they declared the week lecture free. So I didn’t get to miss lectures that week. After 10 days the flow stooped. I saw hell, it was an awful experience.
My boyfriend stood by me all through and the hatred I had for him vanished slowly. I shouldn’t punish him for our mistake.
After the flow stopped and I was strong enough. I packed my things and left Tunde’s place, no more cohabitation. He did not even bother to convince me to stay. He knew my mind was made up.
I got back to my place, he actually followed me and help me clean up my room. He makes sure I was OK before he left.
That night, I wanted to pray but I couldn’t, I felt God will slap me if I dare to call him. I couldn’t even open my mouth to ask God for forgiveness.
Something kept disturbing my peace. My conscience was telling me “You know if you die now or rapture happens, you know you are going straight to hell”
After some days I found the courage to pray, I prayed for forgiveness but I couldn’t forgive myself. I killed an harmless child, that baby suppose to be my first child, but I denied it the right to live.
I live with the guilt everyday. I refuse to go to church, thinking God will strike me down if I dare to enter his house. I gave them some excuses in church.
I was in my room alone one Sunday morning, since I’m still scared of going to church I only listened to messages on radio. The message talk about forgiveness. I cried after I had the message.
From that message I realized that God had already forgiven me all I need to do is to forgive myself.
The message really helped me moved on with my life. I started attending church afterwards and I felt normal again.
#We cannot embrace God’s forgiveness if we are so busy clinging to past wounds# – T.D Jakes