…I’m not ready”
“What if something goes wrong in the process”
“Whatever happens, I will stand by you, I will never leave you. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. That I promise you”
“Tunde, I hope the tone of the song won’t change tomorrow. Hope it’s not just an empty promise?”
“Do you want me to swear or something”
“No! You don’t have to” I said although deep down inside of me I wish I could make him swear an oath, but I know its not right.
I sighed heavily and picked my phone and dialed my cousin’s number. Joy is a close and trusted cousin, we always have each other’s back. She once had an abortion and she confided in me then.
“Joy I am pregnant” I said immediately she picked the call.
“Preg what? Pamilerin why? You should have been more careful, I told you my experience and it was not a good one” Joy lamented.
I noticed she was already close to tears from the sound of her voice.
“God! I wish this never happened to you” she said sniffing.
“Don’t cry because of me, I brought this upon myself”
“Let’s leave this baby, Daddy can’t kill you, I know he will be mad at you but I promise to stand by you” she advised.
“I don’t want it”
“This is one big guilt you’ll live with for the rest of your life, do you want that?”
“Joy, that’s the only option I have”
“Your boyfriend?” she asked
“We are on the same page”
“OK, I took pills then” she said and gave me the name of the pills.
“Thanks, am grateful”
“Please take care and please update me”
“I will, thanks” I said and ended the call.
“What did she say” Tunde asked after I disconnected.
“She said she used pills but I’m sorry if am going to be having an abortion that is not an option for me”
“Why! She used it and it worked”
“Tunde, I’m not using pills, what if it has side effects. Take me to a hospital, I will pay for it if you can’t. This is my life we are talking about here” I shouted.
“I’m not saying I’m not paying but…..
“I’m going to a hospital tomorrow” I said cutting him off.
“Do you have any hospital in mind?”
“No I don’t, God will direct me”
Did I just say God! I couldn’t believe I mentioned God, if I had obeyed his instruction not to fornicate, I wouldn’t have found myself in this situation.
“OK, anything you decide” he said
He stood up and went into the bathroom to take his bath, he went into the kitchen afterwards to prepare food for us. He encouraged me to take my bath too and I obeyed.
That night sleep eluded me, what if I die, what if I did not make it. I thought of so many things, I was lying there waiting for morning to come.